He Saved a Wretch Like Me!
by Seong C. Kim
I must tell you of a man named Jesus who saved my life, He became my Savior and even my Lord, by His grace he saved me from the depths of a fiery grave. I pray you find Him, that you may be saved or that you never cease to seek him or give Him His praise.
My journey began in Seoul, Korea, my birthplace. As a child I began living with my mom and dad on a humble and simple farm. One of my first memories there was that of me walking up to the house for the first time and as I was walking I was met by what seemed to me at the time a giant dog. As it barked and tried to get at me I was initially scared, but my curiosity overcame my fear. After I got to know it, I believe that’s where my love for dogs have come, till this day. Unfortunately, I remember that living there was not a happy place for my mother. There were many days my mom and dad would get into fights. My grandma would try to keep me occupied so that I would not have to listen to them fighting. The fighting eventually turned into very violent acts, in which only my mother suffered from. Eventually my mother told her brothers about the situation and they by force came and made my dad sign divorce papers. I ended up living with my mom some where in E’ Tae Won District in Seoul. While living with my mother we bonded very closely as any mother and child would. We did everything together and loved each other very much. I remember on certain nights, I would ride piggy back on my mom’s back and we would sing folk songs together going to the house. It was a very happy time for both of us. Eventually my mother remarried to my step dad who at the time was serving in the military there in Seoul. I don’t know why, but for some reason they got married while I was asleep. I just woke up the next day with a new step dad. As the years past by, my relationship with my step dad was not as close as my mother, but it slowly developed. The day came when my step dad had to return to United States, I remember the day that we were moving, we had packed all our stuff and was moving out of the neighborhood. Everyone was crying, as I looked back through the window of the jeep I remember waving to everyone and crying with my mother.
Throughout my adolescence I was a very curious child and questioned everything. Also, it was in those years that I began to hear about Jesus. We moved around a lot since my step dad was in the military, while moving around my mother would find Korean Churches for us to go to. It was within those churches that I began to hear the story of the Gospel. Once while living in Junction City, Kansas, I was part of the youth choir, for our church. I did my best to sing and hit all the high notes. I also did good in school and got good grades, my mother was very proud. While in Kansas, it was there that I learned a different side of my step dad. He was an alcoholic, but I didn’t know what that was at the time. I remember everyday I would get his beers from the refrigerator, sometimes it seemed that was the extent of our relationship. It was also there that my mother learned that my step dad was cheating on her. We also learned that when he was drunk he could be very abusive. It was as if we had gone back in time. Except this time I didn’t have my grandmother to shield me from the violence. Even after my mother was put in the hospital she stayed with him, determined to make the relationship work. I believe it had a bad effect on her, she ended up having some sort of nervous break down and I remember having to visit her at a mental hospital far away from home. The doctors told us that she had bipolar disorder, some sort of chemical imbalance in her brain, and that if she did not take her medication her behavior would not be normal. I believe this is when I began to wonder the streets, not wanting to come home. Slowly, the world started it’s negative influence on me. I was beginning to learn the customs and adapting to each new environment I had to live. As the years progressed I slowly began adopting worldly views and began to question my belief in Jesus. Even in school they were teaching the theory of evolution, which conflicted my view on God creating the world. It was that seed of doubt that eventually grew to my disbelief.
When I was a teenager, I decided that science had more proof than the bible, so I disregarded the bible and as a result, I spent my teenage years under sin's dominion. I sought out worldly pleasures and began to fulfill the lust of my flesh, the lust of my eyes, and pride of life. Also, at the time my mom and step dad was always fighting. My mom had learned that my step dad had cheated on her again and was on the verge of divorcing her, which he did, and left her with nothing. I tried my best to escape that reality, so I was willing to try anything that seemed pleasurable or pleasing. All of which when compounded together with my circumstances led me down a destructive path. I roamed the streets with whomever would roam with me and experimented with drugs and every mischievous act possible. I tried coping with drugs and good times, but inside I was really sad. I remember one day I was riding down the highway with a friend, we were going to New Orleans for a “rave” or party and as we were traveling on the highway we were also inhaling Nitrous Oxide, a.k.a. laughing gas, we must have been out of our minds. Inhaling a drug known to render you unconscious, and driving at the same time. It was a combination doomed for disaster and boy did disaster strike. The driver passed out and we hit an interstate sign going 80 mph. When I came around, I realized that the truck we were in had a V shape in the front hood all the way up to the windshield and that by some miracle I survived with only a bruise. My friend had hit the steering wheel so hard that his chest had bruised exactly in the shape of the steering wheel. I thank God that our lives were spared that night.
As the years passed living my criminal life, I got robbed trying to get drugs and thought to myself that I could do the same to others. So one day I decided I should try robbing people. That didn’t last long. I ended up in jail, a small jail in Natchez, Mississippi, waiting to be extradited back to Louisiana. I was facing 99 years. I came to realize that the jail I was in was a minimum security jail. It wasn't meant to hold people with the time I was facing. So me and some of the inmates came up with an escape plan that night. That night before I went to sleep, something tugged at my heart. So I prayed and told God I was going to escape. I prayed, “I don't know where You are, or who You are, but I wish You would show Yourself to me. God, if You love me like You say You do, show me that You are God, that I maybe stopped from escaping.” When I think about it, I realize what a fool I was for ever making such a demand, but it was in desperation that I sought Him. I told God that this is where I lay it down. Either I will be corrupt and evil for the rest of my life living like a fugitive or that If He shows me that He is alive and real then I will serve Him the rest of my life. I cried out to God and begged Him to show me He was real. So I went to sleep that night, intent on escaping the next day. The next morning I woke up to the sounds of thunder that shook the plexiglass in my 12-man dormitory. I didn’t know what to make of it at first. Was it a sign from God? Or was it just coincidence? The door opened and the officer asked if anyone wanted to go to church in the next dorm. The pastor who usually preaches behind the fence on the yard came inside that day. I hesitated at first, but I ended up going to church. I walked in as they were singing “Amazing Grace… how sweet the sound …..that saved a wretch like me!” Instantly my heart poured out to God. Tears welled up in my eyes and I begged for forgiveness of my sins and asked Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. I cried in front of everyone, but I didn’t care. I lost everything, that I might gain Christ. Hallelujah! Since then, I have dedicated my life to serving God, regardless of where I am or what situation I’m in. I praise him daily, for not letting me die in my sins. He saved a wretch like me!
I am lucky to have the Christian background that allowed me to come back to God, but I wonder if that is afforded to some people in North Korea or do they live in complete ignorance of our Savior? It is my sincere desire to see God’s word flourish, I am strongly urged to see that the people of North Korea be allowed to meet the Redeemer as I have in Jesus, but as Paul said in Romans 10:13-15, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear without a preacher? And how shall they preach, except they be sent? As it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!” Also, my prayer is that God will allow the Korean peninsula to rid itself of idol worship and the heretical beliefs such as Buddhism, to put those statues where they belong, in a museum and not a temple (Matthew 17:20). Most importantly… Let His will be done, and not mine.
“….not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9).
